Pnyin - Donate now, and save a small tot's ego

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ENTERTAINMENT / Hot Pot Column






Donate now, and save a small tot's ego


By Ben Davey (China Daily)
Updated: 2007-08-16 14:45





There are causes and there are causes. As in, for every social movement
like USA for Africa or Live Earth, there's something like Pitch
Correction for Ashlee Simpson or Won't Someone Think of a Fulfilling
Post-UN Job for Kofi Annan. Well, I've got one that requires urgent
attention, dear readers. One that arose from an epiphany I had at the
Summer Palace.

I want everyone reading this, who claims to have a beating heart within
their chest, to give generously to the Helping Small White Children
Psychologically Re-Adapt to Their Countries of Origin Where They Will Not
Be Mobbed Society (HSWCPRTCOWTWNBMS). It's a long title, sure, but its
been a long time coming - too long.

How many more small white children have to return to places like the
United States, Australia, England, Sweden, France or - God forbid - New
Zealand, only to have their little egos crushed by a scarcity of gawkers?
One minute they have hundreds lining up to take photos with them as if
they're an Olsen twin and the next they are just like any other
Wiggles-loving little schmuck.

Standing at the Summer Palace being swamped by hoards of touchy-feely
onlookers as I carried my young nephew in a Baby Bjorn (tiny human
carrying device that adults strap to themselves), I began to imagine what
was happening inside the mind of my precious cargo.

There he was adored like Keith Richards (except for the drugs and stuff)
on tour, but once he's back on home soil he'll feel like, at best, a
member of Creed. We at HSWCPRTCOWTWNBMS don't want any white child to
ever have to feel like a member of Creed. We want them to feel wanted,
maybe not like Bret Michaels from Poison, but more like Fred Savage, the
Wonder Years guy.

Funnily enough, Fred Savage is a board member of HSWCPRTCOWTWNBMS, so too
is Christopher Shields of Blue Lagoon fame, Macaulay Culkin (his family
is a primary sponsor) Jimmy Workman a.k.a. Pugsley Addams and Peter
Ostrum - the original Charlie from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

These are all people who touched the sun as tots only to have their wings
melt after their bodies stretched beyond 5 feet. Empathy is after all,
the greatest form of understanding, and if anyone knows how it feels to
have throng after throng of admirers clamor for a photo of you while
visiting foreign lands, it's these guys.

"I just want to help out," Savage told me once on the phone from his
clandestine, patriot missile-protected Nevada range. "Back when I was
playing Kevin Arnold, I had imprints on my cheeks from where strangers
would squeeze them. That's not fair, especially when they're not paying
for the privilege of touching my face."

Just a dollar a day (US currency preferred) will help white children from
all over the world whose self confidence suffers as soon as their return
flight from China touches the tarmac. Come on dear readers, cough up for
the little bundles of joy that cough up all over us every day and ask for
nothing in return.

(China Daily 08/16/2007 page20)























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