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advice: I like a Chinese guy
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Meng Lelan -
Quote:
Oh, and he finally touched me for more than 0.01th of a second... I was trying to do something but
having trouble, so he helped me, which involved him holding my wrist for about 5 seconds. Ack!
Ack! Ack! I am laughing out loud at how weird that sounds, like I'm 14 and it's the year 1865.
here2learn:
Funny!!! I remember something like the same thing happened to me too, having him touch my hand for
more than one nanosecond and that to me was quite a milestone. Do you email and text him in
Chinese or English?
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here2learn -
Lu,
You said giving me the book means he thinks of me as at least a friend or someone close... that's
the problem!! Everything he's done could be taken as something just a friend would do. I often
feel like he likes me, and some of his behavior shows it, like some body language & some
conversation, but nothing he's done could make me say "Aha! That means he likes me!" I think he's
purposely playing it really safe. As if he thought, "I want to give her something, but not
anything pretty or cute. A book that I know she'd like to study. Good safe choice in case she only
wants to be friends."
Right?!? Of course.
Or, it really was meant to be a token of affection and he's just a very practical person.
meng lelan:
Quote:
Funny!!! I remember something like the same thing happened to me too, having him touch my hand for
more than one nanosecond and that to me was quite a milestone. Do you email and text him in
Chinese or English?
We talk in person almost all in English, though I have to get on him about that because he said he
wants to help me. We email about 50/50, and we txt 50-100% Chinese depending on if I can say it or
not. That's an odd question, why do you ask?
We don't txt much at all, he doesn't seem like the type. He only txt's if there's a good reason,
or if I actually ask him a question. And I feel stupid txt'ing him for no apparent reason. Maybe
because we're a little older?
So email & txt is not every day; maybe 2-3 times a week.
here2learn -
Quote:
At the same time, I have a colleague who confuses me. He's nice and cute (ain't it nice when the
people you spend hours with every day are nice and cute), but has a steady girlfriend. Yet he does
things like stand really close, touch my hand when giving me something, etc. Not sure what to make
of it. Not that I mind :-)
Hmm. For that one I'd just quietly enjoy the little touches and closeness-es and not say anything
or expect him to. If he's got a steady girlfriend he's out of play for now and you don't really
want to cause them to break up if you don't love him or something, right? And you can't know that
from only being colleagues, so if I were you I'd just enjoy the little "flirting" and make sure I
don't do anything to step it up any more notches.
In fact, I've been known to do this: If a guy with a girlfriend seemed to be flirting with me,
especially if I liked it a little but didn't REALLY want the guy, or want him to think I liked
him, I'd say in a quiet, cute, coy little way, "Hey I thought you had a girlfriend!", with a
mischievous smile. This would let him know I'm aware of the status and it shouldn't go further,
but my tone of voice shows I'm flattered and I'm not mad at him. He should just be a good little
boy and not overstep any boundaries.
I did that twice that I remember. Once (though I don't remember clearly) I think the guy just
smiled and didn't say much and continued his tiny little flirty behaviors toward me, which was
really VERY innocent and I didn't mind, it was nice. Another time the guy responded in a way that
suggested he'd cheat on his girlfriend, which suddenly made me feel he was creepy, the way he said
it, and I don't remember what I said but I clearly didn't approve, so he stopped flirting with me.
(I've been cheated on in a pretty hurtful way (multiple times by the same guy) and I won't have
any part of it; I'd never be 'the other woman' - I instantly imagine the girlfriend or wife
sitting home not knowing, and how she'd feel if she knew. I know that feeling and it's so
horrible. I will never help a guy cheat!)
Lu -
Quote:
Hmm. For that one I'd just quietly enjoy the little touches and closeness-es and not say anything
or expect him to. If he's got a steady girlfriend he's out of play for now and you don't really
want to cause them to break up if you don't love him or something, right? And you can't know that
from only being colleagues, so if I were you I'd just enjoy the little "flirting" and make sure I
don't do anything to step it up any more notches.
I agree, and that's what I'm doing, just quietly enjoying it for what it is.
Quote:
Lu,
You said giving me the book means he thinks of me as at least a friend or someone close... that's
the problem!! Everything he's done could be taken as something just a friend would do.
I know... Sorry if I can't say for sure either. Can't look into the guy's head from here, and I
don't really know what advice to give you.
here2learn -
small aside:
MONEY
How often and how hard should I be trying to pay for things? This guy (and others) all say the guy
should pay, etc, and won't let me pay. He makes more money than I do and he knows it, so there's
not that foreign-woman-is-more-successful issue. What do you all think of me paying about 1/4 of
the time, as in roughly every 4th time we go out, or some kind of equivalent?
What if he won't take that much and tries to pay all the time?
How hard should I insist or sneak money into his pocket?
Is it really truly actually insulting if I try too hard or sneak money into his coat pocket (a
good way to try to get to touch him or get playful, haha) or on the contrary, will he think less
of me for not even trying?
Should I be trying every time?
Should I just sit back and let him pay and not say anything except thank you with a sweet smile?
(that's what I've mostly done since he said he "needs to" pay)
imron -
Quote:
What if he won't take that much and tries to pay all the time?
Then try saying something like 多给我点面子，好不好！
Quote:
How hard should I insist or sneak money into his pocket?
Don't sneak money into his pocket. If you want to sneakily pay for a meal, then sometime before
the end of the meal pretend to go the toilet, and go and settle the bill instead. This is quite a
typical way to pay the bill if you really want to pay, but know that someone will give you a hard
time over it. Try this once and watch and see how he responds. From there you should be able to
gauge how often you can get away with a trick like this.
Lu -
I think there are some more threads on this, maybe you can search for them.
Don't sneak money into his pocket, this does not leave him any mianzi at all. If you are going to
insist very hard, fight over the bill and press money into his pocket at all, at least do it in a
way that he can still stop you. But since it appears to be important to him to pay for you both I
wouldn't do this lightly. Imron's advice sounds better.
For me, I wouldn't protest too much every time. I'd pull out my wallet every time to indicate that
I am willing to pay (and if he doesn't stop me I will pay for myself at least). Unless he said
beforehand that he 請s, then I say thank you and that was a delicious meal.
You could also 'pay him back' in other ways, such as buying him gifts or treats.
here2learn -
me:
Quote:
Is it really truly actually insulting if I try too hard or sneak money into his coat pocket (a
good way to try to get to touch him or get playful, haha)
I didn't mean sneak it in without him knowing, I think that would be a little weird, like I'm
implying he truly needs help. Sorry if "sneak" wasn't the right word to use, but I meant the way
Lu said, like a playful way of trying to actually GIVE him the money rather than only saying it or
asking, which feels awkward to me.
The first time we went out he said he heard western women like to pay, or pay half, and before the
bill came he verbally made sure I would not even try, I really felt he was being firm about me not
even trying. He said it shows he's a gentleman, so I have to let him be a gentleman. I thought,
maybe he did this so clearly before the bill came so the waitress, etc, wouldn't see me trying to
pay, or god forbid, be successful at paying. I didn't want to pay anyway, because it was our first
time out and I wanted him to get the message I liked him, not the message I want to be 50/50
friends. So I just sat back and smiled proudly while he paid, and said thank you while still
smiling afterwards, and that's what I've been doing. BUT, I also told him of a particular place I
want to try, and he agreed to let me pay there because it was my idea. But that's only one time,
and there's an excuse for me to pay, and I got a little firm (but friendly) about it myself.
feebie -
In my experience all my Chinese friends insist on paying.
I have become sneaky and rush off pay etc before they have a chance. he he
Changing the subject
I have discovered Chinese guys that like white girls!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have given up on my 6 month unrequited love with that guy
and I have started to look around at all the cute Chinese guys.
Some of them are looking back. woohoo
and some of them are talking about me in Chinese assuming I can't understand. ha ha.
It is so funny.
"why don't you get her phone number" "no she is too young" blah blah
evidence THERE ARE GUYS IN CHINA WHO ACTUALLY LIKE WHITE GIRLS!!!!
shock horror!
amazing
I met the guy I like about 2 weeks ago. I felt a bit depressed on the weekend after meeting him.
But then I felt better during the week as 3 guys tried to chat me up.
1. a teacher "have you got a boyfriend, do you like chinese guys, do you like chinese guys like
me?"
2. a chef, have you got a boyfriend, do you like chinese guys, then he went all shy on me when i
said "yes!"
3. a Korean, asked me out on a date
this teacher is pretty cute (southern guy!) but I am not sure if we are compatible. we are going
to hang out.
and I just put my profile on a Chinese dating site. I thought - no one is going to message me. In
2 days 230 guys sent me a letter. all Chinese, 1 Korean.
So this seems to go against the idea that white girls are the loneliest girls in China.
taryn -
You go feebie!
Why shouldn't they? You're exotic.
It's kind of like how back in high school, everyone wanted to date the one exchange student...
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